


When Love Must Die

by Ithiel_Dragon



Series: Who Wants to Live Forever [2]
Category: Cyberpunk 2077 (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Major game spoilers, Sad Johnny, Unresolved Romantic Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-18
Updated: 2020-12-18
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:27:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28145328
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ithiel_Dragon/pseuds/Ithiel_Dragon
Summary: Johnny tries to deal with the consequences of V's decision. Can be read as a sequel to 'Together Forever' or read on it's own.
Relationships: Johnny Silverhand/Male V
Series: Who Wants to Live Forever [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2061837
Comments: 9
Kudos: 143





	When Love Must Die

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into 中文-普通话 國語 available: [当爱终将逝去](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28963341) by [AphasiaHeart](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AphasiaHeart/pseuds/AphasiaHeart)



> Wasn't planning on writing more for this... but then I got this ending and it made me cry. Almost as bad as Red Dead Redemption 2. I might add more to this series, haven't decided yet.

Johnny stared up at the ceiling from the old lumpy mattress in the motel he’d been squatting in for the last several months. His eyes glued to the rotating ceiling fan above as it circled over, and over, and over. Trying not to think. Trying to ignore the constant pain in his chest and lump in his throat. Trying to get used to the silence in his own head.

It shouldn’t have ended this way. 

He’d be lying if he said he’d never wanted this. When he had first ‘woken’ up and realized what he was, a construct shoved into someone else's mind. When he'd realized that he’d been dead for over fifty years and despite everything he had done, nothing had really changed. That his sacrifice had all been for nothing… He hadn’t handled it very well. Fuck, who could have? 

In the beginning, this outcome would have been the best he could hope for. His own body had probably long rotted away, there was no getting it back. But at least inside V’s body he would be alive. He’d be able to pick up where he left off. Have a second chance to take the fight back to Arasaka. But that was then. Before he’d spent weeks as V’s unwilling passenger. Before they’d somehow managed to put aside their differences, find common ground, and learn to work together. Before he’d come to know V as a person. Stupid, noble, self sacrificing bastard…

“Fuck,” Johnny whispered to the empty silent room, his hand clenching into a fist to stop it from unconsciously drifting towards the tattoo on the other arm. An almost nervous tick that V had developed sometime along the way, and Johnny had apparently inherited along with the man’s face. 

“God damn you, V.” 

It was a little amazing how much you could hate and love someone at the same time. Maybe this was how many of Johnny's ex’s had felt about him. He hated V for doing this to him, for leaving him, for making the sacrifice that… fuck… who the hell makes that decision? Was V a fucking saint or something? And for Johnny of all people…

It hadn’t been an easy decision, Johnny knew that. While he and V’s minds might have been separated by that point, he knew V well enough by that point to know the man had barely been holding it together in the end. He had heard the wavering fear in the man’s voice after Alt had explained to him his options. The crushing realization that after all they had been through, all they had sacrificed, all they had overcome to get to this point… the damage had already been done. That V’s body was no longer his anymore, and even once Johnny was gone, V would still have a death sentence hanging over him. Six months… maybe a little longer, maybe a little less. Longer than the few weeks time he’d been given since he’d taken the bullet to the head that had started this whole mess, but still…

Only six months. Was that the deciding factor? Simple math? V would only survive in this body for half a year, but Johnny could live for years. Decades. Maybe even more. Was it that simple? Johnny wasn’t sure if that made things better or worse. 

But Johnny didn’t think that was the reason. Or at least, the only reason. 

When Johnny had told Rogue what had happened, she had been understandably pissed at him. He wasn’t sure what he had expected. But her disgust in the message she had left for him had been obvious. She'd accused him of manipulating V into making this decision. The accusation had hurt, but he didn’t bother to explain or defend himself. He didn’t tell her that he had tried to get V to change his mind. That he had tried to stop him multiple times. That he had practically begged… BEGGED… him not to do it. When was the last time Johnny Silverhand had begged anyone for anything? 

Somehow it was easier to let her think he was the same selfish bastard he’d been in the past. To let her think he was a monster. To punish himself… for allowing this to happen. If he tried to explain, she wouldn’t believe him anyway, and how could he blame her? Even his closest friends would be the first to admit what prick he’d been. Johnny had never been the kind of person to sacrifice himself for others, even those he really cared for. Not for Rogue. Not even for Alt. But for V… much to his surprise, he had been prepared to. 

Or, maybe he was lying to himself? Maybe she was right? He hadn’t wanted this to happen consciously, but what about subconsciously? What if that had bled over onto V? V had changed Johnny, that much was for certain. But he had changed V too. It had started out slowly, barely noticeable at first. A slight dip in the inflection of his voice. The adjustment of his grip on his favorite gun. The unmistakable sign had come when V purchased a pair of aviators very similar to the kind Johnny always used to wear. Johnny had joked at first when Rogue gave him that damn jacket, but when V started wearing it all the damn time, he began to feel a little sick. 

Fuck. Rogue had seen it. Maybe she was right.

Angry tears began to burn in his eyes but he refused to let them fall. 

He should have done more. He never should have let it get so far. He should have pushed V to move faster to find a solution to their mess. All too often V would get distracted by everything happening around him. Wasting time helping others when he should have been helping himself. God damn merc with a heart of gold… Sometimes Johnny _had_ chastised him for wasting his time, but then again… he’d also enabled V. At first just because he was bored, when a particularly interesting job came along. But then he'd gone as far as asking V to help him settle his own affairs… 

Like taking Rogue for that long overdue date, or getting the band back together for one last gig…

Stupid. Selfish. 

Didn’t matter that V had been all too happy to help. He was always willing to help… those he cared for. Didn’t seem to matter to him that his time left was slipping away faster and faster each and every day like sand in a broken hourglass. 

“Why?” Johnny whispered into the empty room. It was still odd hearing his own voice in his head, and V’s aloud. It probably always would be.

_You know why…_

Johnny blinked and the tears he’d been fighting against finally slid down his cheeks. He grasped his forearm, his nails digging into his skin nearly hard enough to draw blood. As though a part of him wanted to rip the skin, and the tattoo with it, right off his arm. 

Stupid thing. He never should have gotten it. Maybe if he hadn’t… 

But Johnny knew it probably wouldn’t have made a difference. V was a little dense sometimes, but he wasn’t a complete idiot. Neither was Johnny. What they had meant to each other. It went far beyond friends. Beyond brothers. Beyond lovers… 

He would have died for V. Instead, V had given him a second chance at life. It was a gift that Johnny didn’t dare squander. He would never be as good, brave, or kind as V had been but… he could at least try to be the best version of himself. At least try to make himself worthy of V’s sacrifice…

“Alright. Time to stop moping and get to living,” When Johnny said it aloud, he could almost imagine it was V telling him to get moving. It was enough to actually follow through moving from the bed to the motel’s cheap terminal. A bus ticket away from Night City, that would be a good start. A new beginning.

_I don’t regret it, Johnny. Not for a second. Live for the both of us now, okay?_

Maybe the voice in his head was an echo of the man who’d given up everything for him. Maybe it was only his own, telling him what he wanted to hear. Either way, it was good advice. 


End file.
